Compliments Are Great Gifts
Why is it that folks have such a difficult time accepting a compliment? Over the past few weeks I have given the gift of a compliment to several entrepreneurs. In each case that gift was thrown back at me.I actually didn’t start to notice this until a few weeks ago when an old friend from high school called to meet for breakfast and catch up on what we each had been doing over the years.
I arrived at the diner excited to reminisce over years gone by. Before I could say a word she said “You look great.” I thanked her and told her that she too looked terrific.
She quickly responded with, “Girl, get real, I’m 25 pounds overweight, I’ve got acid reflux, my kids turned out to be bums, and I’m a step away from Depends.”
The truth was, she looked pretty good to me. Perhaps I should say that was my truth, not hers.
Throughout our time together, when I gave her a compliment she would toss it back at me with a put down of herself. It was disappointing to me.
It came as no surprise when she said that she had been unsuccessful with three business ventures and two jobs.
Photo by kk+.
Phillip on August 17th, 2006 9:23 am
The question was pretty much answered in the paragraph,
“The truth was, she looked pretty good to me. Perhaps I should say that was my truth, not hers.”
The truth is these people are stuck in a habit of accepting the fact that (to them) they are a loser. This was probably reinforced by influences of other people throughout their life.
Compliments would make ‘them’ feel uncomfortable because it denies what ‘they’ are comfortable believing.
You can tell this particular female believes she truely is ugly by the force of emotion put behind her retaliation.
Try a well structured compliment that identifies why, exactly, you think she “Looks great”.
“I think you look great, I love your hair style.�
This avoids flattery and is your opinion. This is a true compliment that can be comfortably accepted.
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