When Just Handing Over A Ring Won’t Do
I am thinking of proposals because it is almost Valentine’s Day — the most depressing or the most romantic of holidays, depending on your view — one of the big four holidays to propose. The others, according to Anja Winikka, associate editor of the WeddingChannel.com, are Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s. An estimated 40 percent of proposals, or about a million, occur over those holidays each year.
Proposals are becoming increasingly elaborate and expensive, with proposal planners, proposal photographers and others getting into the act of helping men — and it is still overwhelmingly men who do the asking — create an over-the-top presentation.
This goes along with the growing tendency to turn every experience surrounding the marriage ritual into a spectacle, from rehearsal dinners to the ceremony itself.
“Weddings are culturally valorized as incredibly significant events in our lives,” said Cele Otnes, professor of marketing at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and co-author of “Cinderella Dreams: The Allure of the Lavish Wedding” (University of California Press, 2003). “Upping the ante gives it legitimacy.”
Jenifour Jones, founder of Go Get It Events, said that during her busiest time, she can plan three or four proposals a week.
For one, she staged a fake show, which the bride-to-be assumed was real. The concierge of a hotel was in on it, as was a comedy troupe and 150 actors playing audience members.
When the time came to kiss the frog, the girlfriend was “chosen” to come on stage and, unbeknownst to her, her boyfriend was smuggled backstage. He changed into a frog suit and when she kissed him, he took off the costume and presented the ring, while the audience waved lanterns.
The average cost of her proposals is $5,000 to $15,000, Ms. Jones said, but something like the frog play can run more.
Ms. Jones’s typical client is in his 30s or 40s, and, she said, she has helped same-sex couples, too.
“People are older, they’re waiting longer, they have more disposable income,” Ms. Winikka said.
Richard Heyderman, who hired Ms. Jones to help him, is 41, and getting married for the second time on Valentine’s Day.
He knew that his fiancée, Tara Pokotilow, a teacher, loves the book “Madeline” by Ludwig Bemelmans. So with Ms. Jones’s help, he rewrote the story as “Tara’s Greatest Adventure.”
“I had someone drop a clue at her door,” said Mr. Heyderman, who is president and chief executive of Multi Dimensional Resources. Then a character dressed as Madeline showed up.
During Ms. Pokotilow’s surprise day out, which included a shopping trip, a spa treatment and serenading with one of her favorite Broadway songs, she was given pages of the book, not knowing exactly what was going on.
The coup de grâce was when she was handed a first edition of “Madeline” with a love note inside “written by me,” Mr. Heyderman said — and taken on a helicopter ride to a sculpture garden in New Jersey, where he proposed.
Photo by MSDesigns.
Matt on February 14th, 2008 10:44 am
“not knowing exactly what was going on” – somehow that’s hard to believe, I think she figured it out in about 5 seconds flat. I can see the fake show having the biggest element of surprise, which is kind of what the proposer would be aiming for, although probably could have pulled the same thing off at a real show with a bit of imagination and sweet talking…..I mean paying 150 actors?
Isn’t a sculpture garden something like a cemetery?
Angie on February 15th, 2008 8:11 am
I don’t think the point is to not know what is going on. That is very interesting because most guys think that a proposal is all about “throwing her off.” In fact, my husband had planned a whole day for me for my proposal- I knew the second it started that a proposal would be at the end- but the anticipation is what made it so darn fun and memorable!
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