Nicole L.V. Mullis: Being A Stay-At-Home Mom, Writer Calls For Balance
The topic involved my youngest entering first grade and people asking if I’m going back to work. In my first draft, I defended my job as a stay-at-home mom. I laundry-listed my responsibilities in what I hoped was a clever fashion and pointed out this work didn’t end because my youngest is seven. Then I read it over. Then I started over.
The reality is, a working mom does all those same things. I know because I am a working mom —just without the regular paycheck and the 401Kplan.I’m a writer…and a workaholic.
I write early in the morning, late at night and when I’m supposed to be making dinner. I never leave on vacation or an errand without a pencil and a notebook. Sometimes, when helping my children with their homework, I’m thinking about a troublesome sentence. Sometimes, during Sunday breakfast, I’m scribbling ideas on a napkin.
My kids are my magnum opus and I’m fortunate that writing and motherhood are so compatible. I have no childcare issues, I can take a break to break up a fight, and I can do both jobs in sweatpants. Sometimes, I write about being a mom, which kills two birds with one stone. Still, I wonder how magnanimous I would be if my trade required office hours and a dress code.
I’m far from a classic stay-at-home mom. Stay-at-home moms rarely have summer vacation rules such as, “Don’t knock on my door before 9 a.m. unless there’s blood on the floor.” Nor do they forget their child’s piano lesson because they were neck-deep in a rewrite.
The truth is, I’ve waited 11 years for all my babies to be in school. I have book proposals, editing projects, half-written stories and query packages just waiting for time. When people ask if I’m going back to work I feel snappish. Yes, for crying out loud! I can’t wait to go back to work!
Of course, I would never say that. People might ask what I do and that question makes me squirm. Writing isn’t traditional or easy to explain. When someone asks what I write, I hesitate, unable to condense 20-plus years of mostly unpublished effort into a neat one-liner. Instead, I say things like, “stories and stuff.”
“Stories and stuff” rarely makes a positive impression. And so, I keep it to myself.
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