Barry Moltz writing in Angel Investor News has some good sugestions about what to include and what not to say in your business plan when you’re trying to get funding. One of his first suggestions is to not use jargon and cliches.
For instance, don’t say: “This business makes mechanical gasoline fueled devices used for transportation more efficient by periodically sending them through an applied for patent machine to loosen the terra firma from these vehicles to make them more conducive at performing their task.”
Instead, say: “We run a carwash.”